I always felt a need to be assured that I am Self Sufficient. Sometimes even after being our best selves, we feel like we are lacking something, or are insufficient. Especially in a world where everyone seems so perfect, this feeling comes so handily.
We feel that there is a constant need to prove ourselves to ourselves and the outer world. This need never tends to get fulfilled. It feels like the more we prove ourselves the more it requires us to do it again and again. Now let’s figure out what exactly is happening with us, why it happens and how can we deal with it.
Are you really insufficient?
I think it is more about how you feel inside rather than what you feel outside. We keep searching for validation outside of ourselves because we lack it from inside. And I want to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay to feel so because we haven’t been taught to think this way. But now we can learn, we learn how to embrace ourselves and what we do.
Everybody at a certain time or at a certain situation must have felt that they are not enough but this isn’t the real case you know that right? Then I must say that it is necessary for us to keep this in mind while judging ourselves as well. Being kinder and patient with ourselves will help mus grow through this feeling.
Some affirmations to read while you get through this
“To be happy you don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be real and accept yourself as you are because you are already enough.”
“If they can’t see it, doesn’t mean you don’t have magic.”
“Don’t wait to do something just because you think you are not enough, time doesn’t know that.”
“You are very strong and you have seen it right?”
“I hope you could see how beautiful heart you have and what a kind soul you are.”
“You are you because you give life its meaning.”
“You are not asking for too much, you are asking from the wrong people.”
“You don’t need to define yourself to anyone. You are you and that’s enough.”
“When each day feels like a war, at last, we all learn how to conquer it.”
Why is there a need to feel Self Sufficient?
In this fast-growing and pacing world, it is quite easy to feel that I am not sufficient, I am lacking something.
This feeling usually roots from low self-esteem. When we take ourselves for granted and don’t value our talent, skills, the work we produce or even the feelings we feel then it leads us here. It creates an urge for us to get validation from others. The validation that we could have given to ourselves is now required to get fulfilled via others.
And this whole thing catches fire when the person we rely on to give us validation doesn’t fulfil what we expect. As it is always said that – Expectations hurt us.
10 Ways to feel Self Sufficient
It can be quite easy for you to learn being Self Sufficient if you will allow yourself to.
1) You tell people what they deserve and forget this when it comes to you
We can easily see what people are capable of, what they deserve, how valued they are but when it comes to us we forget what we can and what we are! We usually seek appreciation from others for what we did and how we did it, however, the person who knows most about it is you yourself.
So we better consider ourselves as the same deserving candidate as we find others to be. And trust that feeling of being deserving.
2) Done is better than perfect.
We get under so much pressure when we try to do things perfectly instead of just doing them with all we can. This happens when we do something to impress others and not because we want to do it. The fear of being missed out or being unattended makes us crave for perfection every time.
Now is the time to get things done with all we can and let’s just not try to be perfect all the time. This sense of being perfect often leads to procrastination, leaving us accomplished nothing.
3) Take a chance because Failures are always better than regrets
We feel that if we will fail we will lose our validation. Also, we feel that our failure will make us lose our values in people’s eyes and they will stop loving us or adoring us. But what we forget meanwhile is that mistakes are natural, they make us more human.
Bonus Tip:- The more we are able to share the mistakes we made, it makes us more likeable among the people. This effect is termed that – The Pratfall Effect.
4) The day you’ll stop trying to fit in, you’ll start getting your own space.
Our need for fitting in the group is not our fault, it is actually something in our genes. In ancient times when we used to live in caves and wandered here and there for food and other facilities. At that time it was necessary for us to stay with a group of people because it was almost impossible for us to survive alone. Now that we have evolved and now our survival doesn’t depend on these basic needs still there is a subconscious trace of this feeling that if we will be left alone then we would not be able to survive. And it is called The Evolutionary Bias.
The only way to overcome this bias is to constantly remind yourself that you are safe and you can survive even if you are alone.
5) Be kinder and be patient with yourself.
You have been feeling insufficient for a long time so you just can’t expect it to get over in just one attempt. So it is better to be patient with yourself and keep trying again and again till you start doing it in autopilot mode. Also, don’t forget to be kind to yourself for not being up to your expectations.
Treat yourself with the same amount of courtesy as you would have treated someone else feeling this way.
6) Stop comparing yourself with everything and everyone
Never feel inferior for being yourself. People make you feel inferior when you are comparing yourself somewhere or other. Comparing only leaves space for others to belittle you. Believe in yourself. You are Self Sufficient. You can’t be someone and no one can be you! Embrace your originality even if you find yourself not like others.
Being authentic especially with yourself is the best gesture you can ever show. So be authentic wherever and whenever you get to be it.
7) When each day feels like a war, at last, we all learn how to conquer it.
We are scared of facing difficulties, we all are. We are scared of facing the change. We are scared of many things in life. But the thing we forget about being scared is that is is our natural defence mechanism to save us from indulging with the threats. We got to put extra efforts to overcome this mechanism, so if this feels uncomfortable it’s okay. After all, we are trying to overcome something that our mind and body are used to. It will take some time, some extra efforts. But in the end, it will be all worth it.
We need to overcome our fears and get uncomfortable because it allows us to grow and growth definitely is uncomfortable. But it is worth it for sure.
8) What makes us is what we have and what we lack.
We are not just the bad sides of ourselves and neither we can be just the good side. we are made up of every quality that we have and also every quality that we don’t have. This is what makes us unique, this is what makes us who we truly are!
Every cherishable thing we have is combined with every flaw that we have and this what completes us.
9) You are very strong and you have seen it right?
How many time do we have felt that we can’t go any further and then we have still gone far from that point and proved that we are strong. May be people around you have not noticed that, but the biggest witness of all the struggles you have faced and all the struggles you are facing is you.
Even after feeling disgusting all night, you show up the next day. Even after feeling left, ignored, tired all day long you still do what is necessary and you still be with people who need you. See this is how strong you are!
10) You have seen the darkness in this phase, now is the time to shine
Now that you know it all, now that you know you are strong, you are capable, you are enough, go shine!
Self Sufficient Bonus Tip
Don’t give anyone the rights to make you feel like you are not enough. This is your power to use it wherever needed. Here I would like to stop writing this article with the affirmation that -No matter where I am and what I am doing, I will always be enough and I don’t need to prove this to anyone. I believe that I am Self Sufficient.
I’ll be here next week with a new interesting topic. Till then don’t forget to tell yourself that you are enough. Love and hugs from Lunadiary.